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Three Pillars Method

Pillar 1: Strengthening Collaborative Skills

We humans are inherently social beings; we need others. People with secure attachment draw strength from others, experience closeness and connection, and receive support and stability during crises.

For individuals with insecure attachment patterns, however, the experience can be quite different: relationships become a source of fear, anger, stress, despair, or frustration. Often, we protect ourselves by avoiding deep engagement in relationships altogether, or we repeatedly encounter the same patterns and conflicts in our interactions.

In sessions, we explore together which patterns in relationships are challenging and strengthen those factors that, according to attachment theory, contribute to successful relationships.

Pillar 2: Strengthening Metacognition & Mentalization Skills

The term metacognition refers to an internal shift—a step back to observe one’s own experiences from an external perspective. This enables thoughts and emotions to be viewed with distance, understood more clearly, and reflected upon in relation to broader contexts.

The ability for metacognition begins developing in the earliest months of life: in a secure attachment relationship, the child’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are consistently mirrored by parents or caregivers. This process helps the child gradually learn to reflect on their own thoughts, perceive feelings as feelings, understand and regulate them, and much more.

People with insecure attachment patterns typically have weakened metacognitive abilities, as they did not fully learn these skills in childhood. Therefore, we use methods from mentalization-based therapy and mindfulness techniques to strengthen metacognitive abilities.

Pillar 3: Co-Creation of Imagined Secure Attachment Experiences

In guided imagery, the client encounters the parents they needed but may not have had. These "ideal parents" embody qualities that were lacking in their childhood. They are always there for the client, protect them, help them manage difficult emotions, and support them in developing their best, authentic self.

In this interactive imagery work, the client experiences moments of secure attachment with these ideal parental figures, tailored specifically to their needs. In this way, what was missing in childhood can be "re-created."

Through the repeated experience of positive attachment, new neural pathways develop in the brain, gradually establishing a new, secure attachment pattern.

Personal Motivation

Self-exploration has always been a part of my journey, both before and during my psychotherapy training and professional practice. Various methods have helped me along the way.

Often, the focus was on understanding something more deeply. However, much of it did not lead to significant, lasting change. This made my own experiences with the "Three Pillars Method" all the more surprising. I was able to heal attachment patterns within myself, which I had previously understood intellectually but continued to grapple with daily.

As a result, I immersed myself deeply in the methodology, eventually becoming trained in it as a therapist. I am aware that no single approach is omnipotent and that a diversity of methods is important. At the same time, my personal experiences have convinced me of the "Three Pillars Method," and I am therefore glad to share it with interested colleagues.

Three Pillars Method Germany

Äußere Welzereute 24, 87509 Immenstadt

E-Mail: stefan.passvogel(a)gmail.com

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© 2023 Stefan Passvogel

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